As a parent you aren't trained in parenting plans before the baby arrives, right? You learn diapering and feeding and bathing and the survival basics and you're left to figure the rest out for yourself and for yur baby. Sometimes it seems to flow and other times it can seem hopeless; just too frustrating to figure out how to support your child and also to get your partner to cooperate; right? Parenting is a multi-layered and extremely complicated life-time job because once you’re a Mom or a Dad its forever.
If you find that you want to separate or divorce it is often due to problems motivating and inspiring your partner to cooperate about parenting. I have helped thousands of families create peaceful separation and divorce transitions for their children and for themselves. Parenting is clearly one of the most difficult skill-sets to develop because it requires endless compassion, support, and patience; for your children and your spouse or partner or even if you divorce if you're parents you'll need to have empathy for your Ex.
If parenting is the most difficult job that anyone will ever have then co-parenting without a positive parenting plan can be 100x harder and I can teach you how to navigate those shark-infested waters as I have taught so many other parents to do. This is what I ask you to consider if you have decided to separate:
- The slippery slope of co-parenting When we marry we must merge into a true couple, two into one. If we don’t, we move towards separation and divorce, even though we may still be newlyweds.
- The true process of marriage is merging, like two grinding stones, working together day after day and creating a perfect seamless fit. It’s worth it.
- If we don’t then the marriage is in trouble
- If we don’t heal the rift, we fight
- If we don’t learn to create peace together, we separate
- If we separate and there are children we take the fight to this new venue, custody
- If we separate and we can’t make peace we divorce
- If we still fight about custody, we can’t mediate, we have to litigate
- If we litigate in America, in some states the average cost is $30,000
- And we suffer and our additional suffering is to watch our children suffer
- The most important first step is to calm down before you speak to your former partner because if you want to be heard and if you're looking for more cooperation and less conflict that is the only way to get it! This is called Self-empathy.
The 6 Part Conversation© which allows you to calm yourself before speaking so that others want to listen to you:
- Learn to empathize with your former spouse's feelings before speaking about your own as this is the key to being heard. This is called Empathy.
- Learn to empathize with your child's feelings and needs rather than explaining about your own; they will feel heard and then they will begin to be able to hear you. This is also Empathy.
- The highest cost of fighting with your partner is the stress to you and to your children and pets. Research has shown that the smaller the child or pet the worse the impact of stress can be. These skills are so successful that even with children as young as 4, 7, 9 and 10 giving them Empathy and listening to their feelings and needs quickly brought them from anguish to peace. Only by motivating and inspiring your partner to make the best and fairest arrangement for you and the children can you hope to have an outcome that you can easily live with. Even if you have already survived a litigated divorce do you want to go through it again because that's what happens to parents who can't get along? And yes, I know that he or she is impossible because I have been divorced, too!
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