Have you realized the #1 Key to the most successful relationships is that if YOU want THEM to care about you then YOU need to prove that you care about THEM? If we have a habit of judging this blocks our ability to connect in the most successful way; in a way that is mutually beneficial to us and others because intimacy requires unconditional love.
Proof is offered by Facebook; their guidelines for Facebook Ads says that the most popular word for use in any ad is “YOU”! And that means it’s not “I” and not even “WE”. So how do you create language that really motivates people and utilizes the word “YOU” as often as possible and has you really meaning it?
“You have an internal model of what you are like. In it, you’re awesome. You are competent, smart, (and) funny — people hang on your every word. Then you do something dumb. What happens in your head? You find yourself trying to rationalize your behavior, or just trying to bury it. Your brain can’t cope with the idea that what you did wasn’t in line with your idea of you. Congratulations, you have just experienced cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is when you hold two conflicting ideas in your head. Rationally we know that something isn’t right, but we’ll try and use different justification strategies to resolve the conflict. Usually these thoughts are about ourselves — we like to think of ourselves as smart, but worry that we’re stupid. Any evidence for the latter requires some serious mental gymnastics for us to keep going and not dissolve into a curled up ball of self-doubt. But the upside is that this doubt can be a significant driving force for us to succeed and get better. We want to conquer this self-doubt and are always on the look-out for anything that can help us.” From Facebook Ad training on a fascinating topic called “Cognitive Dissonance”
When you want to motivate someone make your words all about them and what they need and begin with acceptance which is the first step to motivating them!
We have all been there, haven’t we; having two conflicting ideas? We have a goal and if we don’t reach it we may judge our self or judge people in our life as the cause. Or we may rationalize our behavior even if we know that we could have done better. And when we feel committed to better results in the future, we may feel conflicted by other factors- passion, desire etc.
We must learn to cease judging; we can learn to evolve and that is the result everyone seeks, isn’t’ it?
The #2 Key to the most successful relationships is that acceptance is a way to transform any relationship. Just as “feeling the burn” and continuing to exercise is the first step to the best body tone Accepting people as they are if they are a friend, colleague, or loved one is the unconditional love from which you can move forward, motivating them to better and more effective behaviors. Even in the most drastic scenario, if your loved one is an addict, please know that every successful family who has worked with me and created sobriety within the family began with a shift to FIRST acceptance and THEN motivating their loved one to detox.
When you judge you usually are very harsh with yourself and that can have so many negative effects- on your own health, on all your existing and potential relationships and even on your financial picture because all money is “OPM”, other people’s money and that means the better you are at motivating people, the more your wealth can grow and continue to grow.
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Most often people who have a habit of being judgmental learned it as children from one or both parents or caregivers. And unless as adults they were trained to notice this; replace this old habit, and learn Empathy they will still be judging, thinking that it works.
Some people believe that their judgments are valid and often believe that anyone would have the same judgments that they have. They often believe that having those judgments is beneficial when in fact it ruins every relationship that is touched by judgment.
When you lose a relationship that is important to you because of your own habit of judging you may be tempted to judge the person who has left.
Then after a while; sometimes a lifetime or decades or a few years the person with the habit of judging may begin to see that they've lost something of value. It is at that time that someone with a habit of judging may begin to be ready to acquire a new way of thinking, listening, speaking, and action. And again Cognitive Dissonance is the gift that keeps on giving; you can find someone’s behaviors less than ideal and focus on motivating them to a better way of being rather than just judging, judging and judging.
It’s always the perfect time to learn Heartspace® language, and let go of judging and criticizing and becoming the most peaceful and powerful motivator that you can learn to be. And the longer you do this; the better your results and your health and your wealth because when people get that you are a judge they distance themselves, when they see you as peaceful, powerful motivating and loving they will find you to be an irresistible part of their life.
I look forward to answering all your questions [email protected]
