As a Certified Mediator I am often asked to help with post-divorce co-parenting issues because the parents can’t communicate and cooperate with one another and they have wasted $$$$$$$$$$$$$$ on attorneys and therapists. Whether one parent is really difficult or whether both of you are angry and upset it takes only one skilled communicator to create real peace and that is the job of a Mediator.
It makes sense that if a couple has problems during the marriage that these issues will only become more serious and stressful to each of them and to their children after the separation and divorce. And if you realized that Marriage Counseling is a diagnostic/treatment model you would realize why this rarely helps after divorce. Your former spouse isn’t open to hearing what’s wrong with him or her and isn’t going to make changes based on a diagnosis so please AVOID!
Secret #1 Create a “no fight zone” in your mind and stop hoping that a fight with attorneys as designated sluggers will work for you. Shift to “The Peace Process” and imagine yourself with a Mediator. During separation or divorce and beyond I can help you to a better option and so can expert Mediators.
Secret #2 Your children’s way! What’s best for your children must become the solution you pursue. When you put yourself into the mentality of a Mediator – a neutral 3rd party, you’ll see that you want to do your best to understand your co-parent’s needs. You want to because that’s the first step to thinking of “A 3rd way” not your way, not his/her way but your children’s way! And yes, YOU must be the first one to do this; think Mahatma Gandhi!
Secret #3 Do your inner work to regain inner peace. It’s easy to slip into anger again and again. It’s easy to slip into fear week after week, month after month. I have seen too many families suffering from PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) as a result of stressful divorces. I have seen the financial destruction of entire families based on the anger and fear of one or both parents. You must learn to retrain your brain and regain your emotional stability no matter what. then you will be able to move through the 7 Stages of Divorce© that I discovered.
The 7 Stages of Divorce© are:
PANIC DENIAL AGONY RAGE EPIPHANY NEGOTIATION PEACE
From "The Marry-Go-Round: or How to Save your Money, your Sanity & your life!" on Amazon.com and at https://heartspacesolutions.com/eBooks/
BONUS Secret: So many of my clients find that after they learn to calm down; after they learn to accept what is; after they learn to focus on what they want and move towards it with more tools and skills and support THEN they are stunned to see that their former spouse or co-parent shifts and becomes REASONABLE!!! So I am telling you this right now before you waste another hour or $ fighting with your Ex.!
I pioneered telephone mediation so that if you hate each other you don’t even need to speak or see one another. And I teach skills to at least one co-parent so that peace is possible with or without physical presence; and I work with clients worldwide.
Please allow me to offer you a 1 hour private telephone sessions to learn the Heartspace System© for co-parenting so that you can learn and use The 6 Part Conversation© and create true cooperation, mutual respect and peace for your family.
