The difference between cooperating and arguing is often a few blurted-out words and a tone of voice that tip the scale from marriage to divorce.
When your voice is void of sweetness, kindness, or cooperation, you may be on the way to a sudden and excruciating breakup. However, if you properly use phrases that motivate and inspire your partner, you can shift from tension and disagreement to joyous reconciliation.
You want to fire off, “What’s on your mind,” “Speak your truth,” or any other phrase that sounds more like shooting from the hip than loving communication. It’s up to you whether you complain, blame, and shame or speak positively, motivate your partner, and make clear, doable requests for whatever you desire.
The willingness to discuss any issue in a peaceful, mutually respectful manner creates a true bond so you feel joy, want to stay together, and move forward to an improved relationship.
Here's how couples who stay together forever manage their inevitable conflict (because everyone argues!)
1. They never make harsh complaints.
About their social life:
“I hate how we never go anywhere together!”
“I’m not your servant; I want to have some fun!
About their intimacy
“You haven’t touched me in 2 months!”
“Why did you even marry me; you don’t love me!”
“Do you even know how to change a diaper!”
“I asked you if you were going to help before we had children, and you promised you would!!!”
Instead of attacking the behavior you aren’t enjoying, translate each example above so you create the first step toward an improved partnership. When both of you express your needs in a peaceful and happy tone, it becomes a motivating form of encouragement and never criticism.
These motivating phrases work like a charm if you get yourself into a positive state before you make these offers.
Feeling angry, disgusted, or hopeless with venom dripping off your tongue whenever you speak to your partner shows that learning to self-soothe will be your first step.
When you’re in a bad mood, you’re not going to create a loving bond, are you?
2. They use motivating phrases
About their social life
“Since we haven’t been out in a while, would you rather go to Jane’s party on Saturday or go to dinner and a movie?”
“I know you love Thai food. There’s a new restaurant that just opened up. Would you like to try it on Saturday?”
About their intimacy
“I’m wondering if you would prefer black or white lace lingerie.”
“You used to love weekends at The Inn; it was always a lot of fun; shall I make a reservation; what’s the best weekend for you?”
“Would you be willing to do me a favor tomorrow when I’m at class; it would be great if I could leave the baby with you for 3 hours, and you would be willing to change her diapers.”
“Do you remember when you used to take Janie for ‘Daddy Time’ on weekends so I could focus on work? It meant a lot to me, and I know she loved it; would you be willing to do that next weekend?”
When you learn to inspire your partner, you begin to share power. You can use that power to get more of your needs met and meet your partners’ needs to create an ecstatic relationship that lasts throughout your lives.
However, if we say whatever comes to mind without considering the effect of our words, we give up our power. Eventually, the person you once loved with all your heart will pack up and move on to a relationship with someone happier, more peaceful, and more positive.
Instead of a life of bickering and suffering, you can find the foundation for creating a glorious cooperative future.