When you married you expected to love one another forever; right? You probably heard from couples who have been married for a long time that there will be good days and bad days and that you need to “hold on tight” and wait them out, yes? And when you began to have the first tingle of frustration or disconnection was this advice enough for you to calm down and return to loving your partner; of course not!
What if you could learn a simple 6 Step process so that whenever you see the wall in front of you instead of waiting until one of you hits the wall your 6 Step0 skills kick in automatically? And what if you could always create peace and deeper intimacy and love with your partner; does that sound good? This system is called The 6 Part Conversation© and it’s the very first step to peace with anyone about anything. Wouldn’t you love to:
Calm yourself and your partner within minutes
Prevent escalation of any argument or issue
Resolve each point as it arises
Sustain the deep love and passion that you first experienced when you became a couple
Here is what one client says about learning these skills and his marriage is still a beautiful experience and a love affair for both partners after more than a decade!
“I have not encountered a better stronger more dedicated, peaceful teacher in my entire life. The beauty of what Susan does is she only needs one person to do it. With one person I have seen her turn around relationships; I’m always overwhelmed how she dedicates herself and how relentlessly she seeks a solution!” Richard J. Dolwig, Jr. Family Law Judge pro-tem (Ret.), Cert. Family Law Specialist (Ret.) Attorney; Mediator and Arbitrator during Heartspace® training with wife, Linda Dolwig, Santa Barbara, CA
Have you encountered any of these bumps in the road while you were dating and engaged? Of course you know that wedding plans and preparations are so stressful for you, too, so to prevent, alleviate and resolve all that stress here are a few examples of Role-plays using this simple 6 step procedure:
Imagine that your husband wants more time with his friends and your own preference is more bonding with him:
He says: “I really want to hang out with Bob and John and the guys tonight- we’re going to watch the game at Larry’s house”
You think: (OMG doesn’t he realize that I didn’t say “yes” to his proposal so that I could sit around at home every week while he’s hanging out and getting drunk?) And instead of saying that you calm yourself with a skill called Self-empathy the 1st of these simple 6 skills:
I feel frustrated because my need for consideration isn’t being met……BREATHE
I feel annoyed because my need for fun isn’t being met BREATHE
I feel disappointed because my need for connection isn’t being met….BREATHE
And suddenly you realize that you haven’t been able to get your needs met either because you need to learn how to motivate your husband to have more fun with you or to spend more evenings with you or even to have the guys over to your house for football/basketball/baseball/gold/tennis/boxing etc. !!!! So when we stop blaming them and realize that we can learn how to get our needs met with more peace and grace the entire relationship transforms.
You say, since he’s already made plans: “Honey I know you’re really excited to see your team win and it’s so great for you to be with the guys which these are game, right?”
Can you use your husband amazed by your response?
You continue: “I had a thought that maybe you would like- next time there’s a game why don’t you let me know; we’ll organize some food and you can have your friends here and I’ll spend the evening with my girlfriends, how does that sound?”
In this way you are training yourself and your partner to co-create solutions and neither of you feels resentful. As any mom who drives her pre-teen and her child’s friends around can tell you- keep them where you can see them if you have any concerns at all about bad behavior!!!! The more you lovingly support your partner with peaceful and motivating language and a commitment that each of your needs get met the longer your marriage will be joyous and deeply satisfying.
I offer a complimentary 1 hour telephone session so that you can see if you want to learn more Heartspace® Solutions.
Marriage with Heartspace®
