If you're a man who's ever found yourself falling for an attractive woman, only to later find out she wasn't as beautiful on the inside as she initially seemed from outward appearances, you're definitely not alone. One of the most important pieces of dating advice men and women tend to forget is how critical it is to make sure you know if the person you're seeing really likes you for who, and whether or not you really know and like who they are, too.
Think about the Venus flytrap, as an example. It lures its meals with a fragrant nectar, then assesses the liveliness of its prey before trapping and consuming. It doesn’t bother keeping a potential snack if it lacks a certain energy and movement.
And while the mosquito lacks the ability to see danger and avoid ;it, a guy can learn how to spot a Venus flytrap, aka gorgeous women, from a safe distance and walk away before it's too late!
The biggest mistake you often make about beautiful people is an automatic assumption that they are good and kind and loving when all you’re aware of is the regularity of their features and the quality of their body.
Does any of this imply kindness or caring? No. Does any of it suggest decency and respect for others? No, again.
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Learning to evaluate people based on all the information you can possibly gather is the secret to having a great future. Because truth be told, there are men and women out there who really should come with a warning label.
The difficult fact remains that people don’t post warning signs any place you can see with your eyes ... at least, not until it's too late and you're already too close for comfort.
To protect your heart from falling in love with someone who will only leave you with a broken heart, here are 5 pieces of dating advice on how to know if a girl really likes you — and if you really like her, too.
1. Don't assume what someone is like based on their looks.
My father used to say that after 40 you have the face you deserve, but that was before Botox. Now, there's absolutely no way to look at someone and know who she is. She may just be a great combination of genetics and plastic surgery, so don't just get pulled in by a pretty face!
You can tell she's a good looking woman, but what else do you know about her? Nothing!
2. Take your time learning who they really are.
The minute you meet someone or the minute you hear about her, your job is to go into research mode. When you think of moving you research the schools for your children before you buy a home, right? And when you think about taking a job you have already checked the company, the owners, the financials, haven't you?
And yet how many people feel hopeful that this is destiny when they meet someone new and leave logic, safety, and practical thinking behind?
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3. Don’t ignore what your ears tell you!
Even if she's the most beautiful woman ever born, she may turn out to be the opposite when you take the time to get to know her.
Take the time to listen to everything a woman says, because she's telling you who she really is. Even the most attractive women have flaws and hangups, so pay attention to what hers are!
4. Keep things casual as you see how things go.
While you may be mesmerized by this woman and you may feel as if you’re hearing a siren’s song, remember that sirens sang men onto the rocks where their ships sank. When you first meet a woman like this, it's OK to put yourself through madness short term because you're totally infatuated with her beauty and passion.
But if you realize her drama is unavoidable and that she definitely should have come with a warning label, just plan on making your time together short-term — perhaps a weekend or two, but not longer. Sirens may be beautiful, but they certainly don't have your happiness in mind! It's okay to go a little temporarily gaga for her — but make sure to pull back and take a good look at the whole package!
5. Beware of any attempts to pressure you into a commitment before you're truly ready.
This kind of woman is incapable of love; incapable of commitment to you and devotion to a life-long relationship that is joyous and respectful. While it’s taken her decades to become the deeply-troubled woman she is you don’t want to commit yourself to sticking around and trying to change her. We can never change someone who is intimately involved with us — that's for the pros.
So face the fact that she isn't here to love; she uses people. She doesn’t care. She needs, and when you realize she has nothing to offer in return, you will want to get as far away from her as fast as you can! Even if you share children, there are tools and skills that will allow you to generate more compromise as you become more skilled at motivating her.
There is always a way to motivate anyone, no matter how difficult and self-absorbed she may be.
These dating tips will help you learn to spot women who should wear a warning label, recognize them for who they are, and realize that by moving on, you won't lose anything.
In fact, you’ll be saving yourself from what would have been a miserably unhappy life sentence.
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Susan Allen is a certified mediator and communication expert who helps couples find the passion in their sex lives. For a complimentary session, email her or visit her website.
